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[07 Aug 2005|01:30am] |
ohhh woowwww hey look the hermit decided to go on Lj...
yah i havent been on for the longest time ever.
my lifes getting quite interesting working at starbucks.
and going to school.
well anyways!
since i dont even remeber whose on this friggin thing...
if u wanna STAY on my friends list comment below
cause i dont know who the fuck you are.
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| Frusteration |
[22 Jun 2005|10:02pm] |
i know have have not beeen keping up to date with this thing. infact i dont even like livejournal all that much i dont talk to anybody. since this is the ONLY journal i realy have its the only place i have to bitchmy problems into without getting a response that i dont want to hear. or something or other. i can honestly say that every other sappy entry depressing how much my life sucks entry that i have had, was completely nothing compared to how my life feels now. its not like i hate it or anything. im just constantly upset. theres never a day that goes by when im like HAPPY. i feel constanly flustered about everything that is goin on. i feel completely hopless and worthless and i hear it everyday by everyone i am surronded swith. its not like they say it to my face. but things people do things they say make me lose more and more faith in myself everyday. i honestly didnt know i was such a horrible person i thought i was doing ok i thought i was trying hard but i guess not har enough. i just wanna live life and be happy. everyone thinks im always mad or upset but i dont know how many times i have to exspress that im jsut extrelmyl sad extremly hurt.i feel so fucken alone it sicckens me to my stomache to fall asleep on a fucken wet pillow of my fucken tears im always fucken crying, and nobody really cares to know why or to help or really gives a SHIT. and i shouldnt expect that from people but sometimes it would just be nice for someone to be there and act completely interested. to not tell me im just complaining or that im immature or that im an ass but to actually understand and put their self in my shoes to feel my pain for a brief moment to understandwhy i am so sad. to feel loved and to know people love you are too completely things cause what is the point of knowing it
if u dont feel it. i just wanna know what i am doing wrong. if all this trying to help everything is just wrong? if i should just STOP GIVING A FUCK and let shit go all the time. im sick of so much shit i just want to be happy and by all my trying i go completely unnoticed or accused as closeminded, faker, etc etc.
i dont even know what to do anymore cause obviously my helping is taken in the complete wrong way and i feel as if i hav eNO WAY out.so that seems to be my huge problem, people dont know me. after all the time that i show them who i am waht im about what i beloeive in and what i care about somehow i still seem to be unknown to those who i show the most. it sucks. i just wanna be happy. i wanna live life and be happy.
everyone has told me im an asshole im a jerk im this im that. im sorry im not good enough for all your standards, maybe u should just stop talking to me sinc eim such a bad person. and im sorry that i cant do anything right that i cant function that im just a horrible person. i try rally hard but i guess ill never be good enough for anybody.
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| prom n shit |
[05 Jun 2005|08:34am] |
we had fun
and i love her too much
that ii could hurt myself
but i dont care
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| a lati da |
[12 May 2005|02:35pm] |
me and adam yah we have some good times
hahaha
me n linda back in actions
went shopping
got a hair cut.
well guys
i guess it has to come out sooner or later
i cant live without that girl
shes become my life completely i thoguht i could just move on
and be done with it but i couldnt no matter what happened.
love is real and i cant be more surprised we were ocmpletely broken up for a whole month
and somehow we found our way back to eachother in the midst of all of the hurt the pain
and suffering
baby i never want to leave u aagain i love you so much the world has no idea
every time somebody told me a story about their love for someone
and abotu how happy they were and how they knew that one person was their person
i know now that exact feeling and i feel it so incredibly.
i am so happy to be with her. its so nice to know that shes there willing to help me
just like the old days. i dont think these feelings will EVER go away. and i know i wont ever let them
i can see my self growing old with her. just loving her till the day i die
even if she stopped caring didnt give a fuck "which did happen" i was still obsessed nothing fills her hole in my heart. she is my heart she is my life. i hate to sound so whipped but its true. ill never be happy anywhere else. lets just say im at work and i ask the customers name and its linda itslike i cant help but smile im infatuated im in love and the deeepest kind. i feel so bad for everything i ever did wrong and i still do not deserve her. linda will always be in my heart no matter what happens. and i will forever be in love with yo baby.
forever!!@
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| GUESS WHAT!!! |
[30 Apr 2005|02:38am] |
linda and i got back together. and i am still so in love.
and my hair is getting much longer
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[26 Apr 2005|06:00am] |
The show at chain reaction was simply amazing.
we sold all 100 of our tickets plus 96 people bought tickets to see us at the door.
this band has become my devotion and my life
the only thing to keep my mind in the positve again.
the demp comes out may 6 which is going to be so rad
and also we have shirts and hoodies being made as i speak.
i finally started working at starbucks. it is much harder work thatn i would have ever thought but i need the money. i finally got my new lap top this thing is freakin aamzing.
unfortunatly all this good is going on
but theres still that hole
that one fucking hole.
still feel miserable i do have the flu
and i do not sleep anymore which is incredibly weird
becuase jason ALWAYS sleeps.
i have trouble keeping my mind out of the gutter
and my perstonality is turning more asshole each and every day
i realy feel alone and shakin all over again
i am in the same place i was about a year ago
headed for complete destruction
surronded with wonderful things
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| BROADWAY |
[08 Apr 2005|02:29pm] |
so broadway is progressing like i would hav enever dreamed of.
and if i dont see you either here
or
here
i am goin to be very very angry.
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| Back |
[05 Apr 2005|07:16pm] |
the live journal is back
ima delete you if you dont comment me.
so if u wanna stay pals
COMMENT HERE!!@
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| Urmmm.... |
[22 Mar 2005|04:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
into the moat |
] |
i feel so empty so retarded. i le my eyes see what breaks my heart. i cant believe i was so stupid to browse through the past. i let myself become hurt inside. i tried to find loop holes in everything and the unfortunate thing is that i kinda did. i hate myself for feel like the last person on the list. for feeling like i have no reason to be here. like i am really all that is said. bullshit. im nothing more than a cheap fucking immatation. i dont do half as good as all the other cheap fucks out there so whats the point in leading me on anymore. i hate my life i hate everything about myself. i have the worst reputation and i gave it to myself its my own fucking fault and i cant stand knowing that even the people i love are going to judge me based on my past for the rest of my GOD DAMN life. there is no end to this misery i have put myself in and its just completely unsatisfying feeling so alone and retarded. i feel like second best. like ill never live up to the expectations they have or the trail those before me have set its to high. unfortunatly i have let myself give this way to much thought... is this really worth it. my insides are tied into multiple knotts and soon i feel like i am gonna stopbreathing. i cant say anything for it would just show how weak and dumb i really am. iw ish i could go back and erase time i wish there was no flaw in my life. i wanna be what i should have been not what i ruined. i wish there was some forgiveness for the mistakes i have made but there isnt. everyone sees my mistakes right over my head and they wont disreguard that i want to be a different person a different man. that iw ant to grow up and not be reminded of my past for the rest of my life CAUS EI FUCKING HATE IT. i cant stand the fact that people think i am proud of who i am i am not. even the people i love and car about the most tell me i am worthless and that everything is completely my fault. all i have been trying to do is the right thing all i have wanted to do is the RIGHT thing. the right thing for me. the right thing for everyone. i just dont wanna feel like this anymore. i dont wanna feel so cripple to the world. so embarassed to share what my life has really been like wiht someone because THE HOLD IT AGAINST ME. i probably dont deserve forgiveness and i am completely fine with that. but then why do i see more things. i see upsetting pictures, words....things that would make any person breakdown and die inside... i cant stand lying i cant stand it. i maybe a cheater an asshole and and idiot. but i dont fuckign lie. i will never lie atleast when i screw things up i am truthful abotu it. ill always feel liek second best or third best, like i am not good enough or like my affection outwardly holds no meaning because in comparison i am nothing. i cant stand this
i cant.
P.S. we are going back to friends only.
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| For all we know... |
[06 Mar 2005|07:51pm] |
Cruel, Cruel, Cruel
Cruel, Cruel, Cruel.
All that you thought, You'd never have you hold in your hands
All that you thought that youd never love ,is right here above you it's
Cruel,Cruel, Cruel
Cruel, Cruel, Cruel.
All that you thought would disapear, is waiting right here
And all that you hold, deep in your soul
Could never be sold
[FOR ALL WE KNOW]
These days are all numbered, but things could get better I know
Lord cause I'll be the first and the last one to go
Lord its a cruel cruel world.
[FOR ALL WE KNOW]
These days are all numbered, and things will get better I hope
Lord cause ill be the first and the last one to go
Lord its a cruel cruel world, Without love
It's a cruel cruel world without love
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| UPDATE |
[20 Feb 2005|09:00pm] |
| [ |
music |
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symphony in peril |
] |
so i did my hair.
me and linda have never been closer
my band is getting on our feet.
so chheahhh, check us out an dlove us
i love linda...
( New hair and New times. )
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| BROADWAY |
[14 Feb 2005|10:47am] |
so my band has our first show its this sunday just a bunch of friend goofing off. NOTHING special for a show.
but you can come here us play for more info www.myspace.com/onbroadway
VALENTINES DAY RULED MY LIFE
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| I love Her |
[09 Jan 2005|05:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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haste the dizzle. |
] |
so back off completely
cause i am taken.
this friday linda and i saw white noise... i truly relize how much i love this girl.
its not just a joke or just a fling
these feelings i have are forever. i dont think i could ever let go of them.
im so scared all the time and i devisate my self constantly with the "what ifs"
i think i might just need to grow up and relize the world isnt out to get me.
i am so scared to lose her
its awful.
im just glad that i have her right now.
and i hope its forevers.
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| home |
[29 Dec 2004|07:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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killswitch |
] |
i am finally home.
linda picked me up from the airport
the long trip to new york was indeed quite the journey
but to be home
and in her arms
there is nothing better than this.
im completely in love.
DUR.
and i could not be happier.
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| fahfriends |
[19 Dec 2004|12:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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It Dies Today: Forever Scorned |
] |
comment to be addddizzled].
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| My new lj |
[18 Dec 2004|04:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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i hate everyone.com |
] |
is COMPLETELY friends only.
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miserydanse's journal
